Diet culture, toxic fitness messaging, fear-based marketing, social media comparisons, fitness trends, and celebrity worship make exercise seem like it’s a sacrifice and form of torture to endure in order to look good for other people. But that’s not what it should be. Reframing your mindset and breaking the “no pain, no gain” mentality can create a sustainable, healthy relationship with movement that will make you much happier in the long-run.
Why We Associate Exercise with Punishment
The general scenario for you might be to bounce between being on a fad diet, failing at it, and trying another. Negative self-talk infiltrates your head as you start hating yourself for slipping up on another diet. You might start to counteract overeating by a punishing workout at the gym for 2 hours of cardio to “sweat it out”. This cycle of dieting, “failing”, and busting your butt to try and punish yourself reinforces guilt, shame, and resentment towards yourself and exercise. That is not going to keep you consistent.
Transforming the No Pain, No Gain Mindset
Exercise is a privilege and it’s absolutely not a form of punishment. Exercise is meant to better your life, not hinder it. If you’re caught in a mindset of working out being a chore, shift your focus to how movement makes you feel rather than how it makes you look. This requires you to be present and notice the feeling in the moment during and after workouts. You’re not going to notice aesthetic changes after each workout, but you could notice your strength increasing as well as your energy.
Part of the no pain no gain mindset is what we eat. Let’s face it, our relationship with food is complicated. Food is fuel, enjoyment, culture, community, and nourishment. However, food should never be something you have to earn or punish yourself for.
Diet culture reinforces an all or nothing behavior with nutrition and exercise. It talks about sacrifice and wanting it bad enough. Fad diets cut out entire food groups and reduce what is acceptable to eat in a very narrow window that’s reinforced by thinking foods are “good” or “bad”. If you’re eating keto, even most nutrient dense fruits and vegetables are considered harmful. Quotes like “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” or “Pain is temporary” or “sweat is fat crying” are pervasive across the internet and all feed into the idea that you need to suffer in order to get the body that you want.
This is a false and completely toxic narrative. If you’re in a toxic cycle with food, the first step is acknowledging that a healthy diet does not mean that once you eat something “bad” your immaculate eating day is ruined. A healthy diet does not label foods or food groups good or bad, but rather makes room for everything. Shift your focus to eating whole foods most of the time with a focus on getting adequate protein every meal. Allow yourself a tasty treat. Listen to and respect your hunger signals. And seek professional help if you need extra support.
How to Heal Your Relationship With Movement
We need movement, good nutrition, and exercise for a healthy life. If you’re using exercise as punishment, you’ll burn out and might cause major harm in the long run. You simply need to reassess your relationship with movement.
The first step to healing your relationship with movement is to create your own fitness vision and write it down. What is most important to your fitness and health? Write it down. Think of a time when you really enjoyed exercise and it felt easy. Write it down. Combine the two and create your wellness mission statement.
Your mission statement acts as your “why,” which is important to establish consistency with the right motivation in mind: empowerment, listening to your body, and being a steward of your health.
Create a Sustainable Fitness Mindset
While you’re writing your why, make a list of things you would like to do for exercise. This could be dancing, hiking, mountain/road biking, skateboarding, swimming, running, etc. Make those things you love doing your priority.
However, you also must do some form of resistance training. Resistance training is the answer to longevity, function, injury reduction, bone density, and confidence throughout your life. If you create a program around helping your body do what you love by strength training 1-2 times a week, you’ll be creating programming that matters, and you will absolutely see the positive impact it has on the activities you love doing.
It’s also important to note that while cardio is wonderful at strengthening the heart muscle, it’s not actually the best exercise for creating a better body composition. Strength training vs cardio for fat loss is a no-brainer. This is because the body adapts to cardio quickly (which changes your metabolism to burn less calories) and burns muscle mass too. Whereas strength training promotes muscle growth, which increases the calories you burn in a day. All of this to say, unless you like running, circuit training, or doing HIIT workouts, cardio isn’t necessary for the body composition you want, and in fact, can be detrimental to creating sustainable fitness in your life.
Let Go of Your Past Fitness Identity
The reality is, our bodies evolve and change as we age. It’s part of life and no one is exempt from that. What worked for you 20 years ago won’t work now. Especially if you’re a woman in your late 30’s and beyond. Fitness after 40 looks different; your body is hormonally changing and your relationship to your body needs to change with it. It’s a trap to compare yourself to your previous self. Just don’t do it!
Instead, try giving your body gratitude for all it can do and did for you today. Focus on how strong and capable you are right now and give yourself credit for the things you’re doing now to progress even more with time. A healthy body is one you know to listen to.
Build a Fitness Routine That Works For You
If you have the financial resources, find a coach or online trainer for support and accountability. Sometimes fitness is a coping mechanism for something deeper. If you find yourself constantly using exercise as punishment, or have a tumultuous relationship with food, seeking outside support can change everything.
What is absolutely crucial, however, is having a program. You can create your own programming or seek a trainer for help. You don’t have to hit everything 100% in your program. But give it your best shot and adapt and adjust when needed. A program is crucial to keeping you going back to the gym. If you’re going to the gym without a game plan, you’re going to feel discouraged and question yourself, which will likely result in you dropping your programming. Remember, sustainability is key, which begins with you getting honest with your current capacity. Going to the gym 5 days a week is not realistic for most people. But can you commit to 2-3 days a week?
Transforming the pain no gain mindset is all about trusting the process. Short term gratification doesn’t exist in the world of sustainability. You aren’t going to lose 10 lbs or cure your relationship with movement overnight, it takes time and noticing small changes when they come, and sticking to it when they don’t. Movement is a lifelong pursuit. It’s also a life changing pursuit if you stay consistent. Make it sustainable and enjoyable to get there.
Want to learn more? Listen to episode 247 of the Stronger Than Your Boyfriend Podcast: From Punishment to Empowerment: Healing your Relationship with Movement
